Not Me! Monday

OK.. haven't done this one in awhile. But here goes. These are all the things I have NOT done lately.




My husband did NOT purchase a dozen grocery store donuts yesterday. And I did not do my fair share in helping to eat them.




I have not spent the last two days off doing absolutely nothing.




I have not restarted my coffee addiction after being clean for 2 months.



I do not let our toddler lie around watching cartoons all day just because he is sick.

So, seeing as how one of his motor skill goals is "Uses mobility skills to go after a toy during playtime", we did not get excited to see Alan use a roll/ pivot movement to get himself into position to reach an object the other day. And even if he did, this object that he grabbed was certainly NOT a bag full of ammo that his father had just purchased.

I do not ever feel a twinge of jealousy when I see photos and stories of "normal kids" getting to do fun things like eat on their own and crawl around getting into trouble.


I did NOT just publicly share my religious disillusionment on my blog.


I am not anxiously waiting for Season 4 Disc 4 of Battlestar Galactica and for Season 4.5 on January 16. That would make me an uber geek.


See the Not Me! button on the left to find where Not Me! all got started.

Life is Not Beautiful

"Isn't he a miracle?"

Well, no. I’m not okay with chalking up my son’s life to a religious talking point. I do not believe it is a miracle that he was born with a heart doomed for failure. That he suffered for months. It is not a miracle that an O+ child somewhere who would become Alan’s donor lost his/ her life way too early. It is not a miracle that while Alan successfully made it off ECMO support after his transplant while the other half of children in a similar situation do not. It is not a miracle that children die every day from diseases that are not their fault. It is not a miracle that millions die every year from malnutrition while we have plenty.

I don’t dismiss a divine worldview of existence. That is probably what I lean toward being true (although a chaotic and random universe sometimes seems to better match my observations.) I just do not understand how we can attribute only the good events to providence and not the bad. Every lucky break is not because enough people were praying. I don’t think every travesty that occurs is justified because it brings glory to the lord. I don’t think genocide is ever okay and I don’t think I can really say that I respect the god of the Old Testament.

I do not think that everything that happens has some kind of redeeming value. If we are going to acknowledge the miracles that we see, then it is only fair to recognize the non-miracles as well. They happen every day too.

Reminiscing

on a day long ago when my buddy Alan liked food. He drank his bottle. He explored new and different tastes and textures and enjoyed the experience.

That image just looks nothing like today. Terror strikes when he sees a bottle or sippy cup get too close. He'll tolerate a few bites of food but anything with an unusual texture and he'll gag it up.

At this point I'm so beyond frustrated. I try all the suggestions and get nowhere.

And I'm so sick of the advice referencing terms that have no relevance on our life, like "dinner time" or "bath time."

It looks like we'll probably go through with getting a g-tube in sometime soon. And we'll be seeing the Eating Disorder clinic at our Children's hospital. That's where I'm putting all my hope at the moment because I don't know what else to do. I think at this point its clearly a behavioral/ emotional issue that we probably continue to contribute too. All the trauma he's experienced probably doesn't help either - poor kid.

He's being tough. He's making progress growing and developing - getting stronger, learning play and do some things on his own. It just feels so agonizingly slow.

Here's my cutie today: I'm so proud of him - I just feel so bad that he has to work so hard to have a normal life

Christmas photos

Checking out the presents ahead of time.

I bet I can guess what's in here!

Christmas Eve - first present.

Checking out the Christmas Day santa stocking spoils.

Christmas Night.. "If I have to open one more present!! And if you guys make me try it on..GRRR"

Merry Christmas.

Ya.. that's it. Photos to follow I'm sure

Random updates

Things have been a little crazy. Thus my lack of posting. Alan's been a little sick for awhile but nothing too serious. He just hasn't been feeling 100%

And I decided spontaneously one afternoon to chop off all my hair.

And then this week I started my new job. I'm still excited and I think I'm going to love it!

Not Me! Monday

Click the link on the left to see the original Not Me! on My Charming Kids.

I did not eat two chocolate cakes within a few days to celebrate Thanksgiving.
I did not wake up at midnight last night to clean up vomit.
I did not consider using pillowcases as wrapping paper.
I did not just send an angry email to a church.
I did not join http://www.rememberthemilk.com/ last Monday only to completely ignore it as an organzing tool all week.
I did not register for classes at the local community college at 530 am to "beat the rush"